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Tuesday, May 7th, 2002
10:21 pm - I thought touring was supposed to never be boring...
Hey everybody, it's the real Slim Shady. At least, I think it is, damn I'm tired from all this touring. I haven't been able to update this as much as I'd like to because Dre and me have been so busy promoting my new album. Buy it when it comes out! I'm so worried, I had a dream that it would suck and nobody would buy it and I'd be forgotten just like Vanilla Ice. Oh, by the way, I was right about Dre fucking that little bitch, but he confessed and told me he was sorry... I should have told him off, but there's something so irresistable about a man who sucks toes like he does! I was sucking his sac, and all I could think about was biting really hard and then running away with all his money... I could change my name and maybe go back to the old trailer park. Sometimes I miss having no heat in the winter and having to suck dick under that nearby bridge for enough money to buy a bottle of Faygo. But Dre supports me, so I shouldn't be such an ingrate. Shit, he doesn't even make fun of how tiny my little white peepee is... and I go crazy when he nibbles and sucks my toes while he gives my loose-as-a-goose booty a good jackhammering...

Oh well... sometimes I really don't know what to do, kids... I wish I could just admit I'm... shit, I can't even say it. I talk about it, but I can't say it. I'm... I'm... no I'm not! It's just Kim, I just need to find the right woman, that's it. Yeah, a nice sexy woman. A nice, big, hairy, beefy woman. Preferably with tattoos and a deep voice.

Hugs and kisses,

current mood: confused

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Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
8:15 am - Aight, I know I haven't updated this in forever, sorry...
I noticed I got the attention of a few people... good! I need attention so badly. I swear, I'd stick a red hot fork into my eye if I thought it would get me attention... I've been touring and recording my new album (which will be out soon, buy it or I'll call you gay in one of the songs!!). Dre is getting bored with me, I think. He's doesn't bump my booty as hard as he used to...

I miss him grunting "yeaaahhhh, straight outta compton... uhhhnnn, straight outta compton and straight up your ass.... uuuhhhhh..." :( Will I ever hear it again? I don't know! Any advice to try and get him back? I think he's cheating on me with Vanilla Ice again. Damnit, I HATE that bitch! I'm the only white rapper anyone cares about anyway! My next single will have a previously unreleased song where I call him gay, definitely.

AOL is down, I wish I had a REAL ISP, but Daddy Dre is so fucking cheap... HE has a T1 and a real ISP, I have a shitty 56k modem and AOL. I'm using his computer right now, he's out... probably on a date with that fucking Vanilla Ice... oh man, I'm not talking about that bitch anymore. Ok, new subject. Anyway, Dre would rip me a new asshole if he knew I was using this computer. Hmm, maybe I should leave a bunch of evidence? I'd do anything to get him to touch my ass again... now we sleep about 2 feet away from each other on the bed...

Man, I even miss waking up with his soft jimmy in my butt. :(

Hey, fans out there? Leave comments, I need a hug and some advice...

Hugs and kisses,
Marshall "Marshmallow" Mathers III

current mood: depressed

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Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
4:39 pm - Wow, a new diary!
Not much going on. Just woke up, I have a show to do in two and a half hours! Oh shit! What am I gonna wear?! I woke up and Dre's arm was around me and his soft little jimmy was in my butt. I hate it when he forgets to pull out! Bitch. I managed to shrug away from him without waking him up, but now it's time for me to take a shower and I can't find my Hello Kitty shampoo... how am I supposed to look hardcore if I can't shampoo my hair! Fuck! Oh, ok, I found it. But now my conditioner's gone. And my hair gel, and my Strawberry Shortcake hair dryer and towel set. What the fuck? Our hotel room must have been broken into by that stalker again. He's 12 years old and dresses just like me, and he's gay. And he's determined to let the rest of the world know that I am too. I'll be ruined! By some 12 fuckin' kid! He's probably mailing my Strawberry Shortcake hair dryer to ICP right now! Shit. Why did I have to go and say that shit about them? Was it really worth the attention? I'd cut off my own dick for attention... it's not like I use it, anyway, Dre always tops me. Do I seem like a bottom? I don't know, I'm so insecure about my masculinity... :( I hate myself. I'm going to go take my shower and cry now, before Daddy Dre wakes up and makes me toss his salad again... he never wipes properly, UGH!

current mood: bitchy

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